Saturday, May 14, 2016

I think my muse left me right after I published my first novel.

Being an author, a published author that is, is what I really dreamed of since I was very young. Writing is just a hobby for me back then, but I have high hopes of being an author, that someday I will publish my book and have my name written at the bottom of the books.

Yep, high hope it is.

Now, my first book had been published....Released during 2016 PBAKL. My very first baby. The book that I've start written in 2012, finally completed in 2014. The book that my friends decided to send the manuscript on my behalf. The book that was finally accepted after my other manuscript was rejected. And I was overwhelmed.

Maybe that feeling had yet to leave me that every books I have written after that, every pages of it, seemed not to my expectation. I didnt feel the words I've written. I didn't get the vibes I was hoping for on every pages. I've reread all my books after I decided to publish my first book, the Terrorist's wife.

What's the meaning of this? Somehow I felt as if a part of me is empty. I cannot write anymore. I cannot express my views like I did before publishing my book. Why is it happening? All those scenarios I had, that I had imagined, that was desperately needed to be written - I've written it, pages after pages...and when I reread it, the feeling isnt there. I cannot do it anymore. The words I've used did not seem to bend into my will in order to convey what I wanted the story to feel like. When it was supposed to be sad, somehow, the words I've used seemed happy and cute. When I wanted to describe love, suddenly I've described sadness and longing.

Seriously, what is happening to me?

Is this what they said as a first-time author jinx?

Or has my muse left me?

Oh muse, return to me please, I need you so very much!


Anyway for those of you who wanted to read my first book, the early chapters of The Terrorist's wife, you can do so by clicking here and follow the links.

If you want to read more of it after reading the early chapters, please do buy my books - online, starting June 2016! If you want an autograph-ed version, do tell me and I will try to arrange it with the publisher before sending to to you. ^^

And if you already bought my books, Thank you very much!!! I really appreciate it. Thanks for your support. If you enjoyed or did not enjoy my book, please write a review on my goodreads page. Click the picture of my book for direct link to the goodreads page:

Thank you very much for reading my ramblings today.
Come again and visit me!

Fifi Y Phillipps

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