Saturday, November 19, 2016


when such a simple word of 'him'
meant a person instead of a mere word
when i heard the word,
thoughts flew to only one being
someone whom I never thought
would be big in my life
that only a simple word of 'him'
that my brain pointed directly
to him.

t'was towards the end of February
when the sight fell onto a slender silhouette
tall and fair, dimpled and impressive
just like how I pictured, always
immediately I thought of whats necessary
needs of talks arises like some kind of debt
showing calm, without being expressive
as I followed stepping out of doorways

there he stood, slender as ever
with two others talks and laughs
embarrassingly I joined with full smiles
the two introduced while he listened
whats next something he remembers
became inside jokes, forever, perhaps
he knew me, in preventive styles
which he regretted as we envisioned

the first meeting was way before
eleventh January to be very precise
like a damsel i required assistance
he came to help, thus how we first met
since then i vowed to have more
just be acquaintance would be very suffice
now we're more, regardless of distance
best of friends, more like a duet

to tell the truth there's more on my side
his images flashes whenever i'm awake
warming at first, very annoying as now
as I randomly smells of his manly perfume
feelings if any, i held all of it inside
unsure of any, afraid to make mistake
but very sure it'll bring me to my doom

but once I would like to record
this is the first that had happened
when that perfume I smell I think of one
seeing any body which is slender or slim
immediately him my brain moved toward
or seeing anyone with similar fashioned
with the simple word above means none
other than the man referred to as him

unknowingly so,
his feelings if its the same
preferred to keep it a secret
though I am not sure it is anymore
thinking he knew as he seemed so carefree
of teasing as if it was a mutual feeling
twas annoying but was very welcoming
probably of my feelings
that my heart unknowingly longed
after all these time
if he was, for me, my very own 'him'
then my search is over
because together,
our hearts would be mended.

An Ode from a Longing Heart

As sun arises and vision start
Images of a silhouette appeared in dream
Bearing words and acts which rattle heart
All though in dream as much it seem

Illogical, say, as just awaken
Dream as none silhouette at near
The brain conjour he who has taken
Tucking string of heart that just now so clear

T'is an ode for one whom caught me surprise
Once so ordinary now whom cant be without
I show not my face let it all a disguise
Remained so until nothing is a doubt.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

My very first Review of my very first book!

First of all, for those who had a copy of my book in their possession, I would like to say Thank you very much (spasiba - sorry I couldnt write it in cyrillic, I do not have cyrillic keyboard near me right now) for your support and I really hope you will enjoy reading my book, as it is my first. For those who had finish reading my book, I would appreciate it if you write your sincerest review in Goodreads so that I will be aware of the negative and positive aspects in my first book. So that I will not repeat the negatives in my second book, and enhance the positives.

You know how it is about reviews, right?

So I've received the very first review of my book from a fellow novelist. Oh thank you very much for your kind review! It made me pumped up. It's like i'm one of the hyperactive kids given sugar when I've read the review. I was like, so very excited.

Here is the review from hte fellow novelist. As I havent asked her permission (yep, the reviewer is a her) to share her review, so please understand why I scribbled off her name. (I should've gotten her permission first, huh? But I'm writing this at 12.49, so I doubt that she's still awake, so let me just post this first...okay....)

For those who would like to submit their review to me and not via goodreads you can do so by contacting me via facebook or my email address as written at the back of my books. Please note that I am not active on facebook and that I cannot view messenger's messaging invitation through PC and please be patient that I may not read your text as soon as you posted them. Unless you texted me through FB messages and not through messenger. I dont know how it is because I am a little confused of FB messenger. I dont know why the invitation to message via messenger cannot be viewed through facebook's messages.

Anyway, for those who had a copy of my book, read and give reviews yeah? They're very important...Heeeee

If you do not have a copy of my book yet and you're interested to buy one please go to Jemari Seni website and buy it from there. I am not sure if the bookstores already had copies of my books yet, but, I hope they do!

Till next time,

Happy Ramadhan!

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Today is supposed to be Her 27th Birthday

Diyana Azmina Mustafa Kamal was my roommate during our National Service days. She's kind, helpful and when I'm in raw with other roomates (Yep, I was that kind of person) she will be standing in the middle being the middle voice and voice of reason. She's nice that way, she's a good person. And like they said, the good die young.

She died nearly 5 years ago in 2011. Her death was caused by something about her colon - I am not really sure. And I knew about her death on her birthday two years later. And talk about guilt - I am feeling guilty to this day that I did not wish for her health and did not pray for her when she was sick. I did not know that she was sick. And when I did knew of her death, I spent hours praying for her. Not that I want to say I'm a good friend, but she is...was. And I was just compensating the loss of a good friend who's taken too early from this world.

And today is supposed to be her 27th birthday.

And I still feel guilty to this day.

Diyana Azmina, I know you wouldn't read this. Why would you when I've been a horrible friend?
But I hope that you forgive me for not knowing of your death and not praying for you for two years before I knew.

Diyana Azmina Mustafa Kamal

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Anthology "Helo"

There's an offer for those who can write in Malay, for an Anthology book entitled "Helo".
For those who's interested to write a short story based on the word Helo (Whatever you wanted to write about, about phone calls, about greetings, about two people meeting for the first time after being pen pals for so long, or about the last name "hello"), you can learn about it more in JS Adiwarna facebook page!

I, on the other hand, couldnt write in Malay, but of course, one day I will try.
Nobody could understand the hardness for me to write in Malay, being a Malaysian and all, but Malay isnt my first language. It wasnt even my second language! It's my third language. So, no. My grammar in Malay is worst than my English, if you think that my English grammar is bad (in which I think so too).

I am pretty much interested to write something about Hello, but as I cannot write in Malay, I thought that it might be best that I used some of the ideas I have right now to add a few missing things in my new novels.

I'm planning to integrate some of the other languages that I've known in my new book. Probably Thai, or even Russian. But as I've had a chechen character in my first novel, It is very unlikely that I'll write of a Russian character in my second novel. Probably in my third or fourth novel, god's willing.

Anyway, about the anthology Hello, I wish everyone who participated in it good luck.

There is one thing that's certain.
I cant wait to read the book!